Recovery is life

i remember i used to spend hours every day mourning the way i used to be, like i was dead. but why was i so worked up on the fact that i was no longer the same person? why couldnt i just let go of all of that and start fresh and become the person i knew i was inside. i just couldnt let go. i couldnt let go of anorexia. (like we were joined twins or something) but there is always a part of you that wants to keep it around. you dont want to be free because its scary as hell! like the only life you know is the one were calories are the most important thing and exercise is the law to you. you only know a life in hell. and imagining it being any different to what you are so used to is so scary! step 1: wake up and not give a fuck. well for me anyway the first thing i did when i woke up was calculate and stress over breakfast. but why, where did that get me? that just spurred on my illness so i just 'let it go'. i woke up and i thought about something else, i texted my frien