Recovery is life

well im not a believer of all this 'new me in the new year' like why wait until the new year? everyday i woke up and told myself 'new day, new start'  not new year, new century. new day. you wake up and put the old day behind you. okay so you had more than usual to eat today and you're feeling a little guilty, but why let that one day ruin your progress and more importantly affect your life. so what you have to do is wake up, brush off the worries of yesterday and get the hell on with your life. dont dwell on the past, i spent months crying over what i used to be, id reminisce on old pictures just wanting to be that happy and healthy carefree girl, i wanted the old me back and i was caught in a viscious cycle of being so upset about what ive done to myself. but one morning i just woke up and i was like, wait, im spending all my time being devastated about loosing the old me but the time im wasting being upset i could be using to rebuild myself! so from that ...

Holidays are something i have always struggled with, being at home is safe for me, i know where morrisons is, i know where to buy my favourite chocolate bars and i know i will have food on the table at the same time everyday but being on holiday is obviously not going to be the structured and simple. But you HAVE to embrace it. This weekend i went visiting my family in wales  which is a 5 hour drive from my home. The last time i visited i really wasnt in a good place both phsycially and mentally and i ruined the whole holiday with my moods and avoudance of food. But this time was different! I sat in the car munching on a whole packet of oreos as well as my lunch and various other chocolate bars, i looked forward to spending time with my family, we had meals planmed and bufftes organised and i couldnt wait! I wanted to prove to myself and my damily how far ive com, i took part in drinking, laughing, eating at stupid oclock at night and just basically went with he flow. Thats i...

Things chane quicky, one minute your dying from anorexia and the next youre filled with motivation and eating a sandwich. One minute your upset and the next somebody made you smile. These little changes are the things that make life beautiful. This time last year i was consumed by anorexia, my life revolved around me and food, thats it. I spent every hour thinking and obsessing over calories and my intake and exercise. I lost sight of all the lovely things life has to offer. Waking up super early just to see the sky when the sun rises. Seeing your parents smile and be truly happy. The smell of nature. The festivities especially at this time of year. The kindness of a stranger. All the little things in life that we sometimes forget. This year has been a life changer, i spent 5 months inpatient fighting for my freedom of mind, i have challenged myself, cried (alot), smiled, been way too drunk! I have enjoyed food, cooked and baked to my hearts desire and most of all i am now al...