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Holidays battles

Holidays are something i have always struggled with, being at home is safe for me, i know where morrisons is, i know where to buy my favourite chocolate bars and i know i will have food on the table at the same time everyday but being on holiday is obviously not going to be the structured and simple.
But you HAVE to embrace it.
This weekend i went visiting my family in wales  which is a 5 hour drive from my home.
The last time i visited i really wasnt in a good place both phsycially and mentally and i ruined the whole holiday with my moods and avoudance of food.
But this time was different! I sat in the car munching on a whole packet of oreos as well as my lunch and various other chocolate bars, i looked forward to spending time with my family, we had meals planmed and bufftes organised and i couldnt wait!
I wanted to prove to myself and my damily how far ive com, i took part in drinking, laughing, eating at stupid oclock at night and just basically went with he flow.
Thats important, go with the flow.
I never wanted everyones plans to revolve ariund me like it used to:
'Oh sydney wont eat that' 'ih no thats too late for sydneys dinner'
Thats not life.
My life is not an organiser.
So this time i made it my priority to not be the main priority!
And it was bloody fabulous!
We had breakfast when we woke up and i made do with what i had access ti (this weekend contained alot of selection boxes, not complaining) and we had lunch whenever, yes at one point i was shaking because i was that hungry waiting for my grandma to set up the buffet but hey ho we got there in the end!
Everyone was like sat there with 2 chicken drunsticks like 'oh god i cant eat anymore'  I HAD 7😂 it literally looke like id murdered a farm of chickens on my plate!
My auntie bought this specially selected millionaires caramel white and milk chocolate geateux, and nobody was expecting me to have a piece, heck even i wasnt but i plated myself up a massive slab and sat down with everyone else to enjoy it, and you know what, nobody judged me! Nobody commented on how many bloody chickens i had eaten, because nobody cared.
Obviously they were happy to see me eating and in a much better physical state (weight restored can i get a high five✌️) but it was normal, i was participating in normal behaviours so why should people overthink my actions?
Holidays are a challenge but just think of the positives, new foods, challenges, fanily and friend time, the laughs, the wine! The unplanned bowl of crisps at mindnight!
5 months ago i was severley undersweight and ii struggled to even iimagine myself eating chocolate but here i am eating about 10 chocolqte bars a day, eating my grandmas homade cake, sitting in a car all day with endless packs of oreos, and you know what, that doesnt even bother me.
Like if i find myself overthinking something i just say 'shut the f**** up' i simply dont care, shutting out that voice in my head was the est thing i have ever done, i dont want to know how much i weigh because its simply not important, i dont have a goal weight, i have a happy weight, when my body can function properly and i can have a family and a life.
This holiday showed me that i can do this, that there is life beyond this illness and rhat i am a serious choolate addict.
Dont let anorexia ruin your holidays, you only get one chance to enjoy them.
Xoxo

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