Skip to main content

society.

anorexia is not as simple as 'they basically dislike food and you loose weight' 
wrong. 
anorexia is turning your own mind and body against yourself, watching yourself slowly disappear and loving it. feeling your bones stick out and rub against clothing and your mattress until you are covered in bruises and cry yourself to sleep. anorexia is ripping your family apart and allowing them to see their own child fall to pieces without being able to help. its being so severely hungry that you start to hallucinate and collapse walking down the street.  its being in a constant battle with your own mind about what you can eat and what you cant eat, what you can do and what you cant. over exercising to exhaustion, not for fitness. looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing nothing but a shell of worthlessness. its the feeling of preferring to die than eat. its never feeling good enough, never feeling deserving of life and enjoyment. 
why do people think its all about your appearance? i gained 5 stone and still had disordered thoughts. i no longer fit into the social 'picture' of anorexia, but i still had it. 
i had bulimia, and that went unnoticed just because at that time it wasn't visible. i had a very unhappy mind for years and yet nobody could help me because 'my bmi wasnt low enough' or 'my heart rate was fine'. 
see thats were society is fucking up. isnt it the right thing to do to help someone at that stage, before things get worse? before their life is on the line all because their bmi was over the firggin healthy line. i was told i was never ill enough to receive help. only when i was 6 stone down and lying on my death bed they actually decided to give me a chance at life. its disgusting. why do we have to fit into a criteria to be helped?
you wouldnt refuse to help someone just because they had a sprained ankle and it wasnt actually broken? ive learnt a lot in the past 2 years. 
one of them being is that society and professionals know nothing (yes even with their degrees and fancy cars) 
you know shit,
you wouldnt put me into an inpatient unit because my ecg was 'just okay' you wouldnt give me therapy because 'i wasnt a serious case' and you wouldnt give me a meal plan because 'my blood results came back acceptable' it took starvation and near death to get noticed. to get help. i went on killing myself for months because nobody would help me when i was crying out for it. 
but when i was lying on the floor of my hospital bedroom wishing and crying for death, thats when they realised. 
it knocks me physically sick, i know so many worthy and deserving people who are on year long waiting lists just to see a therapist or a dietician. their lives are spiralling out of control, its terrifying. being trapped in a cycle of an eating disorder and being told you have to wait for treatment? you simply cant wait. you have to get help now. hire more dieticians and therapists and bloody more doctors. open more hospitals. build a new friggin building. do everything you can because these are precious lives. that got attacked by a demon, they didnt ask for it. 
i could legit rant about this all day but you are all probably bored right about now, all im saying is that, HELP PEOPLE. 
give them a life and hope! 
i will always remember something one of the lovely nurses who treated me said

'its just a bad day, not a bad life'

and its true. if i had given up on that day, let my illness kill me, i wouldnt be where iam today. i wouldnt have a job, a university place, and amazing bodyfriend, bestfriends for life. holidays booked, true love and friendship within my family. i wouldnt be free. 
because it really is just a bad day, it could be a bad hour, who knows. 
but whatever it is, you cant give up, you dont know what your future holds. and heck you are going to be here to find out!
so as im currently sat snuggled up with my kitten eating my 5th bowl of cereal, i just think about my past year, the struggles i have been through, the moments were giving up was the easiest option. but sometimes you have to challenge yourself. show yourself what you are capable of. help others. be a friend. be someone who you would be proud to know! 
i dont even know what this blog post is about but i just feel it had to be said, maybe for my own personal reasons and opinion but heck its my blog anyway xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

meal plans and minnie maud

oh the dreaded word, meal plan. for anyone that doesn't know what a meal plan is then let me explain it to you, you basically have to eat around 6 times a day, breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, tea and supper. When you're in hospital well in my case its certain foods, if you wanted a chocolate bar you couldn't have one, you had to have what was on the snack list, which was awful. like so bland, like a cup of milk, i don't like milk. but when you are at home and recovering the meal plans are so much more flexible, you can pick your own snacks and everything and its just so much more freeing! meal plans move up in calories (eugh i hate that word), you start off on a starter meal plan, which is basically designed to avoid re-feeding syndrome. its tiny amounts of food little and often, which is terrifying for someone just starting recovery. when you move on with recovery it becomes a lot easier, your meal plans become increased or decreased due to how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

challenge that change

you are going to change, your body will change, your brain will change. this is fabulous, you shouldn't fear it. why be a bag of bones when you can have a bum, and boobs, and legs to die for and a healthy glowing face, and long thick hair like a lion and bright eyes and.. right you get the point. ask yourself, have you ever felt good enough? has loosing weigh ever made you feel good? has being severely underweight ever made you feel skinny or thin enough? no. your eating disorder feeds you lies. the worst part is that you believe them. your eating disorder is your friend right? wrong. when has it ever made you feel good, when has it ever showed you kindness. i cant count one time anorexia was my friend, or made me feel good about myself but i have lost count of how many times its put me down and made me feel terrible. learn to love yourself, you curves, your legs, your personality, your querky smile. you need to embrace it all. why live a life hating yourself whe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Loosing weight?

The heading looks misleading but it's a topic I've been thinking about a lot, let me explain. I've been physically and mentally recovered now for nearly 2 years and I've always either put on weight or stayed the same but now my body is settling into it normal life and my daily eating habits are changing with work and day trips. I've naturally lost weight, not drastic, it's literally just my body settling down and getting comfy, I think. But from past experiences it's so hard to deal with, not for me but for my family. My mum and dad become worried and are constantly egging me on to eat more and more, when I'm eating no less than I was before, it's just how my body has fluctuated. It's difficult to understand the minds of others, and rightfully they can be worried but they definitely don't need to. It's just trying to establish that trust with your family for them to not be worried, but they have single handingly seen me lie to their f...
Post a Comment
Read more