HEY THERE.
i havent posted a blog in forever so i love just doing an update on recovery, life and the future.
okay so as many of you know i am starting university in 19 days. im studying childhood and early years development for 3 years and if all goes well i want to do a year pgce to become a primary school teacher.
recovery is fabulous. i learn more about myself everyday. i know i can be an emotional wreck sometimes as i naturally overthink everything but thats okay and i can accept that because after my hour of sobbing i realise that everything ive just been upset about is in my head. (my poor boyfriend is so confused when im crying without a reason) i push myself everyday. im fully recovered now and i class myself as 100% mentally and physically recovered but everyday little things i overcome really impress me. just stupid little things, but everytime i overcome something i feel more like myself.
im proud of myself. my parents where able to book a holiday to Greece together and not worry about leaving me alone (with my brother but hes currently in a very emotional relationship with his xbox) ive been trusted to make my own meals, get to work, go out when i want and go food shopping and look after myself really.
i remember they had a night out in manchester (40 minute drive) and they cancelled because my mum wouldnt leave me alone because she was scared i wouldnt have my breakfast alone. now here i am cooking myself food (okay crumpets, bacon and cereal is still chef quality) and looking after myself.
ive got a holiday to amsterdam in january for my boyfriends 21st birthday which shall be fab and i cant wait to eat pancakes and amsterdamish food (is that even a word).
i was asked to write an article on recovery really and writing it really reminded me just how much ive been through, how much everyone has been through on their own journeys. reminded me of what it was like to be inpatient, and how much it helped me. because sometimes when i look at it i dont see it as very helpful but it so so was!! i always remember the bad things, when i was in hospital i got sent a card in the post and when i opened it it was actually a death threat and i had to be taken to the police and watched carefully and all this and i never found out who sent it, and it still bothers me. and the thing is i was in such a safe and secure place yet bad things could still happen. but the next day i woke up and some of the girls on the unit had found out and posted notes under my door being lovely as ever, complimenting me and leaving positive quotes, it just shows that people love and care for you and will help you out of your darkest times. i never let anything affect me like that again.
people want to help you. nobody wants you to feel alone. see i never regret or wish i could change having anorexia. its a disgutingly horrible illness and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy but personally, im glad i had to go through it. i wouldnt be who i am today without it. this sounds really weird and stupid i am aware but here me out. before i didnt udnerstand mental illnesses, i used to run out of cereal and be like 'eugh im so depressed' and when i actually started suffering from depression, i understood that having no coco pops wasnt even a problem compared to everything else. i didnt understand eating disorders, i thought it was just people who lost weight, i didnt know it had anything to do with the mind. until i suffered from one. see ive learnt so much, ive come along way and ive helped people, i can actualy think to myself and know ive helped someone, given them some form of motivation or inspiration (im not tooting my own horn, i just know from experience that when you get to see a recovered person living their life its so motivating) i understand now. i spent 5 months on a mental health unit with people suffering from all kinds of illnesses. schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, personality disorders, eating disorders, ocd and ptsd. i get it, i get how the mind works and i know now that people need help and support and awareness needs to be raised. i didnt before. ive raised money for charities and spread awareness through my own experiences that hopefully helped someone. i couldnt have done this without going through it myself. when i was diagnosed with anorexia i was told about 50% of people never recover. i was determined i was going to. i ignored what everyone said and i knew in myself that i would recover and be in that percentage. and its possible for everyone. 50% doesnt exist, everyone can recover. we are stronger than we think.
i havent posted a blog in forever so i love just doing an update on recovery, life and the future.
okay so as many of you know i am starting university in 19 days. im studying childhood and early years development for 3 years and if all goes well i want to do a year pgce to become a primary school teacher.
recovery is fabulous. i learn more about myself everyday. i know i can be an emotional wreck sometimes as i naturally overthink everything but thats okay and i can accept that because after my hour of sobbing i realise that everything ive just been upset about is in my head. (my poor boyfriend is so confused when im crying without a reason) i push myself everyday. im fully recovered now and i class myself as 100% mentally and physically recovered but everyday little things i overcome really impress me. just stupid little things, but everytime i overcome something i feel more like myself.
im proud of myself. my parents where able to book a holiday to Greece together and not worry about leaving me alone (with my brother but hes currently in a very emotional relationship with his xbox) ive been trusted to make my own meals, get to work, go out when i want and go food shopping and look after myself really.
i remember they had a night out in manchester (40 minute drive) and they cancelled because my mum wouldnt leave me alone because she was scared i wouldnt have my breakfast alone. now here i am cooking myself food (okay crumpets, bacon and cereal is still chef quality) and looking after myself.
ive got a holiday to amsterdam in january for my boyfriends 21st birthday which shall be fab and i cant wait to eat pancakes and amsterdamish food (is that even a word).
i was asked to write an article on recovery really and writing it really reminded me just how much ive been through, how much everyone has been through on their own journeys. reminded me of what it was like to be inpatient, and how much it helped me. because sometimes when i look at it i dont see it as very helpful but it so so was!! i always remember the bad things, when i was in hospital i got sent a card in the post and when i opened it it was actually a death threat and i had to be taken to the police and watched carefully and all this and i never found out who sent it, and it still bothers me. and the thing is i was in such a safe and secure place yet bad things could still happen. but the next day i woke up and some of the girls on the unit had found out and posted notes under my door being lovely as ever, complimenting me and leaving positive quotes, it just shows that people love and care for you and will help you out of your darkest times. i never let anything affect me like that again.
people want to help you. nobody wants you to feel alone. see i never regret or wish i could change having anorexia. its a disgutingly horrible illness and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy but personally, im glad i had to go through it. i wouldnt be who i am today without it. this sounds really weird and stupid i am aware but here me out. before i didnt udnerstand mental illnesses, i used to run out of cereal and be like 'eugh im so depressed' and when i actually started suffering from depression, i understood that having no coco pops wasnt even a problem compared to everything else. i didnt understand eating disorders, i thought it was just people who lost weight, i didnt know it had anything to do with the mind. until i suffered from one. see ive learnt so much, ive come along way and ive helped people, i can actualy think to myself and know ive helped someone, given them some form of motivation or inspiration (im not tooting my own horn, i just know from experience that when you get to see a recovered person living their life its so motivating) i understand now. i spent 5 months on a mental health unit with people suffering from all kinds of illnesses. schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, personality disorders, eating disorders, ocd and ptsd. i get it, i get how the mind works and i know now that people need help and support and awareness needs to be raised. i didnt before. ive raised money for charities and spread awareness through my own experiences that hopefully helped someone. i couldnt have done this without going through it myself. when i was diagnosed with anorexia i was told about 50% of people never recover. i was determined i was going to. i ignored what everyone said and i knew in myself that i would recover and be in that percentage. and its possible for everyone. 50% doesnt exist, everyone can recover. we are stronger than we think.
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