I guess it's fairly important that I explain my story to you.
At the age of 17 years old I was diagnosed with Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression and OCD.
First came depression. It was around the time of my birthday (10th june for anyone interested) and I literally just could not shift this bad mood, I was snappy, rude and basically devastated on a daily basis. My friends were calling me boring and saying I wasn't my usual hyper and bubbly self, so my mum being the amazing mum that she is decided enough was enough and took me to the doctors.
They were very quick to diagnose me with depression, but there was another underlying problem, I had been making myself sick due to extreme dieting.
Nobody knew about this and I was very good at hiding it, I started dieting due to some comments that were made about my appearance by some guys. (Stupid I know, boys pfft.)
I tried every type of diet under the sun, I literally lived on google trying to find quick ways to lose weight but little did I know I had actually developed an eating disorder.
I found it really hard and upsetting lying to people and trying to hide my bulimic tendencies so I decided to quit food cold turkey. I quickly lose a lot of weight and I was going days without eating. I turned into this skeleton living creature, I wasn't a person, A daughter, A friend. I was nothing.
I kept everything to myself, I hid myself in big clothing and was in total denial that I had any problems. I couldn't even eat without overwhelming guilt and one day I just broke down. My body couldn't take it anymore and neither could my mind. I was in my second year at college, preparing for A Levels and completing coursework and everything got to much so my teacher's shoulder was there for me to cry on. I told her everything, which was weird because I never even realised myself how bad I had gotten. And being a good teacher she informed my parents. I can honestly say that was one of the worst days ever, coming home and knowing your parents knew all about your eating disorder. It went downhill from there really. Im guessing a lot of you know about CAMHS, basically child hell.
like literally not being critical but my god it awful. I blame them for what happened next.
They sent me a meal plan over email because I was so underweight I couldn't have an appointment with the dietician, erm where's the logic?
Well long story short I had daily arguments with my parents about not eating and I was at CAMHS about 4 times a week being weighed each time (which totally didn't help) and it was hard, I cried a lot, I was failing at college and I pushed away all my friends, I was lonely, miserable and very thin.
Sooooo, every time I went to camhs I was threatened with an inpatient unit, I used to actually laugh in my therapists face, god I wish I tried. On bloody pancake day I was admitted to Junction 17 mental health adolescent unit in Prestwich. They didn't even give me pancakes, how rude.
I was terrified, alone, depressed and devastated. I'm not going to go into my time in the unit but it was awful, I wasnt allowed to walk due to being on bed rest and I was forced to eat the disgusting food daily. I spent 4 months in the unit, 4 months just sat in a room staring at the same 4 walls. I honestly dont know how I did it as I'm one of them people that literally never stays still. I actually cant remember my time in hospital, like at all. I asked the nurses why that was and they said because the anorexic thoughts were overpowering my own thoughts, which actually makes sense.
I turned 18 which meant I couldn't stay on an adolescent ward anymore. It was discussed moving me to an adult unit but with much persuasion I convinced them to discharge me, and so they did. Since then it has been hard, I have cried almost everyday but I am so much better than I was.
When I was in hospital I actually didnt put on any weight and I got down to my lowest weight, weird right. I got down to about 5 stone (im 5ft6) and i was so unhappy.
Im still in the anorexic zone and I still have serious issues with food but I'm in such a better place. Im starting to become me again, that weirdly wonderful girl I saw disappear last year. Im in recovery, and Im proud of that, Im on medication for my depression and anxiety and OCD and that has helped me alot!
I see so many inspiring people on instagram and blogging and I want to be able to help others like they have helped me.
SO basically, Im thin, a great lover of chocolate and I will beat anorexia.
I feel like i should end my posts with something, yeno like
(xoxo Gossip Girl)
At the age of 17 years old I was diagnosed with Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression and OCD.
First came depression. It was around the time of my birthday (10th june for anyone interested) and I literally just could not shift this bad mood, I was snappy, rude and basically devastated on a daily basis. My friends were calling me boring and saying I wasn't my usual hyper and bubbly self, so my mum being the amazing mum that she is decided enough was enough and took me to the doctors.
They were very quick to diagnose me with depression, but there was another underlying problem, I had been making myself sick due to extreme dieting.
Nobody knew about this and I was very good at hiding it, I started dieting due to some comments that were made about my appearance by some guys. (Stupid I know, boys pfft.)
I tried every type of diet under the sun, I literally lived on google trying to find quick ways to lose weight but little did I know I had actually developed an eating disorder.
I found it really hard and upsetting lying to people and trying to hide my bulimic tendencies so I decided to quit food cold turkey. I quickly lose a lot of weight and I was going days without eating. I turned into this skeleton living creature, I wasn't a person, A daughter, A friend. I was nothing.
I kept everything to myself, I hid myself in big clothing and was in total denial that I had any problems. I couldn't even eat without overwhelming guilt and one day I just broke down. My body couldn't take it anymore and neither could my mind. I was in my second year at college, preparing for A Levels and completing coursework and everything got to much so my teacher's shoulder was there for me to cry on. I told her everything, which was weird because I never even realised myself how bad I had gotten. And being a good teacher she informed my parents. I can honestly say that was one of the worst days ever, coming home and knowing your parents knew all about your eating disorder. It went downhill from there really. Im guessing a lot of you know about CAMHS, basically child hell.
like literally not being critical but my god it awful. I blame them for what happened next.
They sent me a meal plan over email because I was so underweight I couldn't have an appointment with the dietician, erm where's the logic?
Well long story short I had daily arguments with my parents about not eating and I was at CAMHS about 4 times a week being weighed each time (which totally didn't help) and it was hard, I cried a lot, I was failing at college and I pushed away all my friends, I was lonely, miserable and very thin.
Sooooo, every time I went to camhs I was threatened with an inpatient unit, I used to actually laugh in my therapists face, god I wish I tried. On bloody pancake day I was admitted to Junction 17 mental health adolescent unit in Prestwich. They didn't even give me pancakes, how rude.
I was terrified, alone, depressed and devastated. I'm not going to go into my time in the unit but it was awful, I wasnt allowed to walk due to being on bed rest and I was forced to eat the disgusting food daily. I spent 4 months in the unit, 4 months just sat in a room staring at the same 4 walls. I honestly dont know how I did it as I'm one of them people that literally never stays still. I actually cant remember my time in hospital, like at all. I asked the nurses why that was and they said because the anorexic thoughts were overpowering my own thoughts, which actually makes sense.
I turned 18 which meant I couldn't stay on an adolescent ward anymore. It was discussed moving me to an adult unit but with much persuasion I convinced them to discharge me, and so they did. Since then it has been hard, I have cried almost everyday but I am so much better than I was.
When I was in hospital I actually didnt put on any weight and I got down to my lowest weight, weird right. I got down to about 5 stone (im 5ft6) and i was so unhappy.
Im still in the anorexic zone and I still have serious issues with food but I'm in such a better place. Im starting to become me again, that weirdly wonderful girl I saw disappear last year. Im in recovery, and Im proud of that, Im on medication for my depression and anxiety and OCD and that has helped me alot!
I see so many inspiring people on instagram and blogging and I want to be able to help others like they have helped me.
SO basically, Im thin, a great lover of chocolate and I will beat anorexia.
I feel like i should end my posts with something, yeno like
(xoxo Gossip Girl)
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