Before you start recovery its always hard to believe that its possible and its so difficult to see all the benefits that recovery would bring you.
but my god, believe me when i say this, recovery is worth it.
when you have an eating disorder you are not living, you are dying from your illness.
its hard to ever imagine that you will have a life again, that you will be able to go a whole day without hearing the voices in your head, or being put down whenever you try and stand up.
but its possible, im living proof of that and so are millions of others world wide, recovery is possible.
im not fully recovered yet and i know that and i can accept that but i know i will get there, recovery has taught me that.
i can live again, i go out with my friends, i socialise with my family and they can actually talk to me about something other than the worry im causing them. my illness always told me that people wouldnt care about me if i was recovered but i was so wrong, its just that people dont worry that you may drop dead at any moment, they are happy that they have the old you back again, and they cherish every moment spent with you. never let your illness tell you otherwise.
you may think that you will never be able to enjoy food again, WRONG.
yea you probably wont enjoy a week old sandwich but who the hell would?
im in recovery now, not recovered, not weight restored, but i LOVE food, i look forward to meals and if im thinking about food its me planning out my meals so i can look forward to them, not to worry about them.
recovery isnt just about gaining weight, its about spending time with your friends and family and being able to have a job that you have the energy to love. its about enjoying occasions such as christmas and birthdays and being able to actually participate in all the festivities.
recovery is socialising, drinking alcohol, partying, not crying 24/7, not locking yourself away, having fun without a care in the world. recovery is cake, roast dinners, family meals, easter eggs and selection boxes, and most of all, recovery is learning to love yourself.
One of the hardest things to do in recovery is to love yourself, love the fact your body is changing, and that you arent the same size you used to be, loving al
l your imperfections and the things that make you beautiful.
but once you reach the point were you can think clearly and the voices arent so loud, you understand how to do this, you understand that its okay to have to buy new clothes, to shop in the adult clothes section of a shop, its okay to not have people being scared of breaking you when they give you a hug, its okay to be healthy.
its true when people say the further you are into recovery the clearer your mind becomes, you can actually think for yourself without the constant voice over your shoulder, its amazing to be able to think again.
sometimes i hate being in recovery, i hate the fact my body wants and needs to change but i would never ever go back to the darkness of my eating disorder, a hot chocolate is a lot more comforting than anorexia. nobody ever said recovery is easy, its probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but the benefits you receive from recovery? priceless.
i would make a list of benefits but there are just so many, just think of it this way, if you spend the rest of your life in the cold clasps of you eating disorder then you will be 90 years old, still hobbling along on the borderline of dangerous.
do you not want to make your family and friends happy? to have a job that you love, to enjoy christmas, to have a piece of your own birthday cake, to get completely off your face and laugh and not bother about calories, life is worth recovering for, and itll always be there waiting for you to take the leap to recovery, life will always want to be lived to the full.
im going to share with you a few pictures of the memories i have had the ability to make with my amazing friends and family because of recovery.
live every moment, laugh everyday, love beyond words.
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