My whole anorexia started with being addicted to exercise. I have been for years and i didnt even know it. It was never a problem, id run twice a day because i enjoyed it and i ate eough to never loose weight from my activities!
But once i started restricting my calorie intake i upped my exercise and i had to do it, it becomes your way of life. I planned everythig around my exercise routines and it became more of a chore rather than something i genuinley enjoyed.
Its obsessive, its not just the feeling of 'oh i should probably go for a run' its the 'i cant do anything else until i have over exercised' its not just going for a run around the block until your tired and want to go home, its being so exausted but not having the ability to stop.
It in itself is a disorder. Its not a healthy way to live.
I struggled with exercising for years and even when i was bed bound id still sneak out of the house to go for a run, it came to the point were my dad would run after me and bring me home. Even when i was inpatient id find ways to exercise.
People dont understand. Its so misunderstood it furiates me. Just because you have told someone they cant exercise doesnt mean they are just going to be like 'k thanks ill lie still' its not as easy as that. Its an addiction.
Im naturally an energetic person and i figit alot but thats no were near the same! Being obsessed with exercise is dragging yourself out in the snow and rain to run. Its creeping around in your room doing x amount of sit ups hoping your parents wont hear you.
When i started following minnie maud one of the guidelines was to do no exercise. I dedicated myself to this and followed it perfectly, i stopped my exercise and it was literally like i was withdrawing from heroin.
It sounds ridiculous but it became a part of me, it was in my daily routine and i felt 'lazy' if i didnt do something.
So for 6 months i didnt do anything, i did no exercise, i rarely walked up the stairs, like omg i was so lazy!
But im now weight restored and me and my family sat down and discussed re-introducing exercise again, it was planned that i would go for one run a week with my dad!
I was so excited, because i do love running and anorexia ruined that for me.
So that went on but then once again it was too easy for the voices to take over. Before i knew it i was pushing myself to 2 long runs a day with ab exercises throughout the day. It was weird. One week i was doing nothing and then the next i was pushing myself. It happened that quickly, it took over like it had never left and that terrifies me.
For 2 weeks i pushed my linits until i finally told someone. I didnt want to because i knew they would make me stop but why the hell should i spend my life this way!?
Why should i live every moment worrying about not being on the move? The answer is that i shouldnt.
I want to be able to go for a run because its sunny outside and its something i enjoy doing. I want to go swimming with my friends just for fun. Or walk to the shops to pick up a bloody paper, not to burn calories.
So how do we overcome this?
Take charge. This is your life! If you want to sit all day then you do that! Exercise should be done out of enjoyment, not punishment. Just try it. For one week, remain still, do not exercise. And believe me you will feel so much happier and energised. It gives you a sense of normality and to live a life filled with happiness and care for yourself.
You can do this. You have to recover.
Life is more than punishing our bodies , if we spend everyday loving the endless possibilities our bodies can achieve we would be so much happier. Loving our muscular figures, our energy, our glowing skin and volumised hair.
We shouldnt wake up picking on our thighs, hating our stomach.
Thats not life.
You should wake up and eat what you want to eat, do what you want to do with your day.
Dont punish yourself. You are enough and you are worth it.
Everyone out there cares and loves you, you need to show yourself the same love others give you.
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But once i started restricting my calorie intake i upped my exercise and i had to do it, it becomes your way of life. I planned everythig around my exercise routines and it became more of a chore rather than something i genuinley enjoyed.
Its obsessive, its not just the feeling of 'oh i should probably go for a run' its the 'i cant do anything else until i have over exercised' its not just going for a run around the block until your tired and want to go home, its being so exausted but not having the ability to stop.
It in itself is a disorder. Its not a healthy way to live.
I struggled with exercising for years and even when i was bed bound id still sneak out of the house to go for a run, it came to the point were my dad would run after me and bring me home. Even when i was inpatient id find ways to exercise.
People dont understand. Its so misunderstood it furiates me. Just because you have told someone they cant exercise doesnt mean they are just going to be like 'k thanks ill lie still' its not as easy as that. Its an addiction.
Im naturally an energetic person and i figit alot but thats no were near the same! Being obsessed with exercise is dragging yourself out in the snow and rain to run. Its creeping around in your room doing x amount of sit ups hoping your parents wont hear you.
When i started following minnie maud one of the guidelines was to do no exercise. I dedicated myself to this and followed it perfectly, i stopped my exercise and it was literally like i was withdrawing from heroin.
It sounds ridiculous but it became a part of me, it was in my daily routine and i felt 'lazy' if i didnt do something.
So for 6 months i didnt do anything, i did no exercise, i rarely walked up the stairs, like omg i was so lazy!
But im now weight restored and me and my family sat down and discussed re-introducing exercise again, it was planned that i would go for one run a week with my dad!
I was so excited, because i do love running and anorexia ruined that for me.
So that went on but then once again it was too easy for the voices to take over. Before i knew it i was pushing myself to 2 long runs a day with ab exercises throughout the day. It was weird. One week i was doing nothing and then the next i was pushing myself. It happened that quickly, it took over like it had never left and that terrifies me.
For 2 weeks i pushed my linits until i finally told someone. I didnt want to because i knew they would make me stop but why the hell should i spend my life this way!?
Why should i live every moment worrying about not being on the move? The answer is that i shouldnt.
I want to be able to go for a run because its sunny outside and its something i enjoy doing. I want to go swimming with my friends just for fun. Or walk to the shops to pick up a bloody paper, not to burn calories.
So how do we overcome this?
Take charge. This is your life! If you want to sit all day then you do that! Exercise should be done out of enjoyment, not punishment. Just try it. For one week, remain still, do not exercise. And believe me you will feel so much happier and energised. It gives you a sense of normality and to live a life filled with happiness and care for yourself.
You can do this. You have to recover.
Life is more than punishing our bodies , if we spend everyday loving the endless possibilities our bodies can achieve we would be so much happier. Loving our muscular figures, our energy, our glowing skin and volumised hair.
We shouldnt wake up picking on our thighs, hating our stomach.
Thats not life.
You should wake up and eat what you want to eat, do what you want to do with your day.
Dont punish yourself. You are enough and you are worth it.
Everyone out there cares and loves you, you need to show yourself the same love others give you.
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