body image is nothing

i think the hardest thing for me about recovery is the dreaded body image.
waking up and seeing yourself a completely different person to what you actually look like.

but that is such bull crap.
even at my lowest weight i never saw myself for what i truly looked like.
fitting into tiny jeans and tops and still thinking i was overweight?
its stupid really how messed up our minds get! its so unrealistic.
the worst part is how we hate ourselves.

why shouldn't we love ourselves? our flaws, our imperfections, our quirks, our personalities.
some people look at us and see someone who seeks knowledge and happiness, is beautiful, has life behind their eyes.
so why can't we see it that way?
one day you can wake up and look in the mirror and absolutely love what you see, but then an hour later you see someone completely different staring back at you.

its annoying and i'm fed up of it. so ive been trying this new trick, to just not listen to what my mind tells me.
how to have a good body image day?
wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself what a sexy ass piece of gods creation you are.

no its not vain to love yourself.
its confidence, happiness, stability and thats something to be proud of.

you must love something about yourself. sit down and write a god danm list.
whether that may be your legs, your arms, your stomach, your eyes, your laugh, your smile, or your hair.
these are all things that make you, you.
you are perfectly unique. and anyone would be lucky to know you.
you have no idea how proud people are to be involved in your life.
just because people don't tell you every second of the day that they are proud of you and love you, they bloody well are!

you know what i love?
i love the way my laugh is genuine. the way my hair sticks up in a morning. my smile. the sparkle behind my eyes. the way my chin grows another chin when i chuckle uncontrollably. the way my legs jiggle when i walk, they show the muscle that defines them and the strength they have.

body checking? why put yourself through it. why dwell on what once was, when you can live in the here and now and enjoy every breathe you take.
so you no longer fit in them jeans? okay throw them the fuck out.
you dont deserve to go through this self critical analysis everyday, so dont put yourself in that situation. i hate seeing people posting pictures about how 'fat' they are or how they 'hate' themselves.
hate is a very very strong word, that you frankly should not be throwing at yourself.
how about love. replace the word hate with love.
your attitude will become brighter and the world will seem to be in your favour.

would you look at your mother, or sister and call them 'fat' judge them for not having the perfect legs, the protruding bones. you wouldnt would you. so why do it to yourself. its just as bad.

you deserve love, you may not believe it.
you are bloody fabulous, and if you are reading this im pretty sure you have gone through a shit year. but dont worry, tomorrow is a new day. a new day to forget the past, move on from your illness. focus on only the positives. wake up tomorrow without your illness. eat what you want when you want.
dont even think twice about calories, weight gain, body image, routines.
just wake up and live the rest of your life.
enjoy yourself lovely, youre fantastic.

xoxo