my main goal throughout recovery was for a happy future.
i imagined myself dating the perfect guy, we'd go out for meals and eat popcorn at the cinemas. id have my own house, that i would have worked hard for after spending 3 years doing my dream course at university.
id make new friends and be like the social buzz of everything, be involved in everything communal and basically be this queen of england or something.
obviously i know i'm not going to be the queen anytime soon, due to the lack of relatives in the royal family and the fact that i say 'put t' kettle on love' or 'ite mate' it just isn't in my favour.
buuuuuuuuttt, what is in my future for sure is university, im hoping to go to the university of Manchester and study there for 3 years doing Primary Education (i know i know, why the hell would i want to spend the rest of my life in the company of screaming, diseased children? but its fabulous k).
i really wanted to live in halls at uni, i was hoping to go somewhere further away like newcastle or cardiff, but i'm too much of a home bird and id hate being far away! i also wanted to get the whole experience, like the late nights, the flatmates, the friends for life. but why can't i do that whilst living at home ay!?
plus due to the problems i've had this past year it wouldn't mentally be a good mood for me because i know how easy it is for thoughts to take over when you're out of your normal routine! so im making the right choice for me to live in the comfort of my own home.
when i first started recovery i wrote myself a long list of ambitions, goals, dreams. anything that i could look at and instantly be motivated to kick some ass.
i had silly things like 'skydive, be a celebrity, live in a house on the sea in the maldives (hey you never know, may be possible).
but i also had 'go out with my friends at least once a week, eat my birthday cake, go out for lunch with my grandparents, exercise for fun and not for punishment, make my family smile, have my own family, pay for my first car and to go on holiday with my friends.
whenever i felt down id just look at this list and instantly know what i was striving towards.
so anyway, i was supposed to go to university last year but i just wasnt ready for it, so i have taken a year out to focus on myself and my own health. and its the best thing i've ever done! i struggled a lot when all my friends moved away, i hated that they were moving on with their lives and i wasn't but why should that upset me? my year is this year, and i'm fit and fighting strong better than ever. my life begins now. who cares when i go to university!
so ive sent off my application forms (cross your fingers for me guys)
well the husband subject just isnt quite there yet. yes i go out and a cheeky kiss is always a bonus but i haven't found the one i'm going to marry yet, but thats okay, the best comes to those who wait ay?
you dont need someone else to make you happy, you need to be happy for yourself.
in my future i aim to eat at a restaurant in every country, i want to travel the world and experience different cultures and foods and festivals, everything amazing!
but i couldn't do this with anorexia. i couldn't wake up every morning filled with energy raring to go and indulge in a buffet breakfast at the hotel. heck i dont even think they would give me health insurance to go abroad with the worry id die on the plane.
but with recovery i have hope, energy, life, spontaneity, and happiness.
now get me to those hot places!!
im also planning a holiday to Malta with my friends for my birthday (june 10th incase you wanted to send me a card;)
i missed my girls holiday to Zante because they flew out the day i was discharged but them being the lovely girls they are they like facetimed me every day to fill me in on all the gossip, so life does go on!! if i had sat there dwelling on the fact i couldn't go on holiday i would have drove myself insane, but i picked myself up, told myself 'next year is my year' and i got the fuck on with life.
guys, i just want to magically hug you all and take this illness away from you. if i could get tweezers and stick them up your nose and drag this nasty voice out of your brain like they did in the egyptian times. i totally would. but only you can help yourself. only you can wake up in the morning and get your breakfast, only you can think 'oh god i need a snack' when everyone else has forgotten to ask you. (just because they forgot does not mean that you are cured and you don't need your snack, the world is a busy place and people do forget things) and only you can say 'fuck off; to the voices in your head and get on with your life!!
i want to do charity work, run marathons, make a real difference in the world. i want people to remember me, for all the right reasons. having an impact on someone elses life is a feeling anorexia could never give me. happiness.
this is down to you, you are strong enough and you can do it. heck i was the girl who used to run away from tennis balls because i bruised like a peach and didn't have a nasty bone in her body but i stood up to that voice, fought for my confidence, determination and mind back and i got it!! i am strong now, not just physically but mentally.
guys, you can do it. i believe in you, and you have to believe in yourself
but i seriously recommend the list thing. like omg it saved me. write down your future plans, goals, anything. decorate it with drawings, pictures anything fabulous.
it will help you remember what you are doing this for when your mind can't focus past the horrific voices.
oh i also really want 2 children, one boy and one girl (the boy to be the older one so he can look after the girl obviously) and i want to live in a renovated modern farm house, and i want a balcony and i want to live either in the countryside or somewhere really really hot.
and just because anorexia took away my ability to create children (for the time being, don't worry, i'm not going to start stealing your ovaries) it is not taking away my future. oh i'd also really like a range rover, but anyway, getting carried away. (oh and a little dog called dixon) but whatevs, future goals!
p.s. thankyou to the lovely girly (you know who you are) for suggesting i make a post on future plans, love you gal.
this is a pre-ed happy sydney
xoxo
i imagined myself dating the perfect guy, we'd go out for meals and eat popcorn at the cinemas. id have my own house, that i would have worked hard for after spending 3 years doing my dream course at university.
id make new friends and be like the social buzz of everything, be involved in everything communal and basically be this queen of england or something.
obviously i know i'm not going to be the queen anytime soon, due to the lack of relatives in the royal family and the fact that i say 'put t' kettle on love' or 'ite mate' it just isn't in my favour.
buuuuuuuuttt, what is in my future for sure is university, im hoping to go to the university of Manchester and study there for 3 years doing Primary Education (i know i know, why the hell would i want to spend the rest of my life in the company of screaming, diseased children? but its fabulous k).
i really wanted to live in halls at uni, i was hoping to go somewhere further away like newcastle or cardiff, but i'm too much of a home bird and id hate being far away! i also wanted to get the whole experience, like the late nights, the flatmates, the friends for life. but why can't i do that whilst living at home ay!?
plus due to the problems i've had this past year it wouldn't mentally be a good mood for me because i know how easy it is for thoughts to take over when you're out of your normal routine! so im making the right choice for me to live in the comfort of my own home.
when i first started recovery i wrote myself a long list of ambitions, goals, dreams. anything that i could look at and instantly be motivated to kick some ass.
i had silly things like 'skydive, be a celebrity, live in a house on the sea in the maldives (hey you never know, may be possible).
but i also had 'go out with my friends at least once a week, eat my birthday cake, go out for lunch with my grandparents, exercise for fun and not for punishment, make my family smile, have my own family, pay for my first car and to go on holiday with my friends.
whenever i felt down id just look at this list and instantly know what i was striving towards.
so anyway, i was supposed to go to university last year but i just wasnt ready for it, so i have taken a year out to focus on myself and my own health. and its the best thing i've ever done! i struggled a lot when all my friends moved away, i hated that they were moving on with their lives and i wasn't but why should that upset me? my year is this year, and i'm fit and fighting strong better than ever. my life begins now. who cares when i go to university!
so ive sent off my application forms (cross your fingers for me guys)
well the husband subject just isnt quite there yet. yes i go out and a cheeky kiss is always a bonus but i haven't found the one i'm going to marry yet, but thats okay, the best comes to those who wait ay?
you dont need someone else to make you happy, you need to be happy for yourself.
in my future i aim to eat at a restaurant in every country, i want to travel the world and experience different cultures and foods and festivals, everything amazing!
but i couldn't do this with anorexia. i couldn't wake up every morning filled with energy raring to go and indulge in a buffet breakfast at the hotel. heck i dont even think they would give me health insurance to go abroad with the worry id die on the plane.
but with recovery i have hope, energy, life, spontaneity, and happiness.
now get me to those hot places!!
im also planning a holiday to Malta with my friends for my birthday (june 10th incase you wanted to send me a card;)
i missed my girls holiday to Zante because they flew out the day i was discharged but them being the lovely girls they are they like facetimed me every day to fill me in on all the gossip, so life does go on!! if i had sat there dwelling on the fact i couldn't go on holiday i would have drove myself insane, but i picked myself up, told myself 'next year is my year' and i got the fuck on with life.
guys, i just want to magically hug you all and take this illness away from you. if i could get tweezers and stick them up your nose and drag this nasty voice out of your brain like they did in the egyptian times. i totally would. but only you can help yourself. only you can wake up in the morning and get your breakfast, only you can think 'oh god i need a snack' when everyone else has forgotten to ask you. (just because they forgot does not mean that you are cured and you don't need your snack, the world is a busy place and people do forget things) and only you can say 'fuck off; to the voices in your head and get on with your life!!
i want to do charity work, run marathons, make a real difference in the world. i want people to remember me, for all the right reasons. having an impact on someone elses life is a feeling anorexia could never give me. happiness.
this is down to you, you are strong enough and you can do it. heck i was the girl who used to run away from tennis balls because i bruised like a peach and didn't have a nasty bone in her body but i stood up to that voice, fought for my confidence, determination and mind back and i got it!! i am strong now, not just physically but mentally.
guys, you can do it. i believe in you, and you have to believe in yourself
but i seriously recommend the list thing. like omg it saved me. write down your future plans, goals, anything. decorate it with drawings, pictures anything fabulous.
it will help you remember what you are doing this for when your mind can't focus past the horrific voices.
oh i also really want 2 children, one boy and one girl (the boy to be the older one so he can look after the girl obviously) and i want to live in a renovated modern farm house, and i want a balcony and i want to live either in the countryside or somewhere really really hot.
and just because anorexia took away my ability to create children (for the time being, don't worry, i'm not going to start stealing your ovaries) it is not taking away my future. oh i'd also really like a range rover, but anyway, getting carried away. (oh and a little dog called dixon) but whatevs, future goals!
p.s. thankyou to the lovely girly (you know who you are) for suggesting i make a post on future plans, love you gal.
this is a pre-ed happy sydney
xoxo
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