Recovery is life

well im not a believer of all this 'new me in the new year' like why wait until the new year? everyday i woke up and told myself 'new day, new start'  not new year, new century. new day. you wake up and put the old day behind you. okay so you had more than usual to eat today and you're feeling a little guilty, but why let that one day ruin your progress and more importantly affect your life. so what you have to do is wake up, brush off the worries of yesterday and get the hell on with your life. dont dwell on the past, i spent months crying over what i used to be, id reminisce on old pictures just wanting to be that happy and healthy carefree girl, i wanted the old me back and i was caught in a viscious cycle of being so upset about what ive done to myself. but one morning i just woke up and i was like, wait, im spending all my time being devastated about loosing the old me but the time im wasting being upset i could be using to rebuild myself! so from that

Holidays are something i have always struggled with, being at home is safe for me, i know where morrisons is, i know where to buy my favourite chocolate bars and i know i will have food on the table at the same time everyday but being on holiday is obviously not going to be the structured and simple. But you HAVE to embrace it. This weekend i went visiting my family in wales  which is a 5 hour drive from my home. The last time i visited i really wasnt in a good place both phsycially and mentally and i ruined the whole holiday with my moods and avoudance of food. But this time was different! I sat in the car munching on a whole packet of oreos as well as my lunch and various other chocolate bars, i looked forward to spending time with my family, we had meals planmed and bufftes organised and i couldnt wait! I wanted to prove to myself and my damily how far ive com, i took part in drinking, laughing, eating at stupid oclock at night and just basically went with he flow. Thats impor

Things chane quicky, one minute your dying from anorexia and the next youre filled with motivation and eating a sandwich. One minute your upset and the next somebody made you smile. These little changes are the things that make life beautiful. This time last year i was consumed by anorexia, my life revolved around me and food, thats it. I spent every hour thinking and obsessing over calories and my intake and exercise. I lost sight of all the lovely things life has to offer. Waking up super early just to see the sky when the sun rises. Seeing your parents smile and be truly happy. The smell of nature. The festivities especially at this time of year. The kindness of a stranger. All the little things in life that we sometimes forget. This year has been a life changer, i spent 5 months inpatient fighting for my freedom of mind, i have challenged myself, cried (alot), smiled, been way too drunk! I have enjoyed food, cooked and baked to my hearts desire and most of all i am now al

christmas is all about spending time with your loved ones and making memories that will grow old with you. But for someone with an eating disorder its all about the food..  last year i was in the clutches of anorexia and christmas was taken away from me, i couldnt go out because i was too cold and i didnt want to socialise with anyone. I wouldnt go and visit my family and my parents were lucky to get two words out of me, i spent the entire duration finding ways to avoid people and food.  usually i would dive face first into the box of heroes and celebrations and all the galaxy caramels would be gone within a heartbeat (seriously, is there a better chocolate than galaxy caramel?) i would sit down and pile food onto my plate without a second thought, and then even though i was full to the brim i would still find room for more chocolates and a big slice of gateau, heaven! but this christmas i dreaded christmas day, i knew i was expected to eat and i just couldnt face it.  my christ

You might think that your eating disorder is your friend and a safety net for you, wrong. Friends dont ruin your life and isolate you. Even though i despise my eating disorder i still find it hard to live a life without it, ive forgotten what a life without it is like to be honest, so that scares me. But im really starting to see the beauty of life! Life in its self is absoloutley amazing. You can travel around the world, make friends in the corner shop, try new foods and even create your own version of a pot noodle! All these things are possible, and more. During recovery im starting to live life again, i socialise around food, i go out for meals and out with my friends and family, i wouldnt give it up for the world, never mind anorexia. What could be scarier than living a life with anorexia? Being cold 24/7.,Having no friends, not being able to eat without this murderous guilt, I know that my eating disorder is not good for me, it put me in hospital for 5 months, it took me awa

Before you start recovery its always hard to believe that its possible and its so difficult to see all the benefits that recovery would bring you. but my god, believe me when i say this, recovery is worth it. when you have an eating disorder you are not living, you are dying from your illness. its hard to ever imagine that you will have a life again, that you will be able to go a whole day without hearing the voices in your head, or being put down whenever you try and stand up. but its possible, im living proof of that and so are millions of others world wide, recovery is possible. im not fully recovered yet and i know that and i can accept that but i know i will get there, recovery has taught me that. i can live again, i go out with my friends, i socialise with my family and they can actually talk to me about something other than the worry im causing them. my illness always told me that people wouldnt care about me if i was recovered but i was so wrong, its just that people d

Well I was first an outpatient with CAMHS i.e the worst place on earth filled with mentally numb humans thinking they know best. I was there about 4 times a week and each time all they did was weigh me and send me over to the hospital for an ecg and blood tests and blablabla they are awful basically. So anyway, they repeatidly threatened me with a mental health unit but i kinda just pushed it away thinkkng it would never happen, so my weight kept dropping and i wasnt trying at recovery so they made a refferal, long story short i ende up in an adolescent mental health ward called Junction 17 in prestwhich, bloody terrifying. I got admitted about 8oclock at night and i never ever left my house like i turned into some miserable person who wouldnt speak to her friends and spent all her time with her mum. (Aka bestfriend, oh and my dad) so i then had tto move into this room that was suprisingly lovely (heated flooring, heaven for me who is always freezing) and spend every moment alone, w

oh the dreaded word, meal plan. for anyone that doesn't know what a meal plan is then let me explain it to you, you basically have to eat around 6 times a day, breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, tea and supper. When you're in hospital well in my case its certain foods, if you wanted a chocolate bar you couldn't have one, you had to have what was on the snack list, which was awful. like so bland, like a cup of milk, i don't like milk. but when you are at home and recovering the meal plans are so much more flexible, you can pick your own snacks and everything and its just so much more freeing! meal plans move up in calories (eugh i hate that word), you start off on a starter meal plan, which is basically designed to avoid re-feeding syndrome. its tiny amounts of food little and often, which is terrifying for someone just starting recovery. when you move on with recovery it becomes a lot easier, your meal plans become increased or decreased due to how

I guess it's fairly important that I explain my story to you. At the age of 17 years old I was diagnosed with Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression and OCD. First came depression. It was around the time of my birthday (10th june for anyone interested) and I literally just could not shift this bad mood, I was snappy, rude and basically devastated on a daily basis. My friends were calling me boring and saying I wasn't my usual hyper and bubbly self, so my mum being the amazing mum that she is decided enough was enough and took me to the doctors. They were very quick to diagnose me with depression, but there was another underlying problem, I had been making myself sick due to extreme dieting. Nobody knew about this and I was very good at hiding it, I started dieting due to some comments that were made about my appearance by some guys. (Stupid I know, boys pfft.) I tried every type of diet under the sun, I literally lived on google trying to find quick ways to lose weight but little

My name is Sydney Cooper and I want to help everyone to a happier and healthier life! Thought I'd give you a little introduction to myself. I am totally new to this whole blogging malarky so please excuse my awfulness. I've been wanting to start a blog for so long now and I thought now is the time to do so, I basically want to write about my recovery and the obstacles I am overcoming in my journey to recovery. I see so many instagram accounts and blogs from girls in recovery from anorexia and they are so inspirational so I thought I'd get out my laptop and set out on creating a lovely blog! I hope my words can inspire and educate all my lovely readers, also giving me a little entertainment and something to keep my mind busy, enjoy!